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i’m trying to change some of my bad habits so that i can become a healthier person.

since june 1, i’ve been eating 1200 to 1400 calories per day. and i’m eating healthier things, like fresh fruits and veggies. i’m measuring portions so i don’t eat too much. i’m eating breakfast most days so i don’t eat as much later in the day.

the first two weeks were hard. i felt hungry all the time, and i craved crackers (i’m a cheese cracker junkie). i think i’m over that hump finally. i haven’t had any cravings in the last few days, and i feel full when i eat a 300 calorie meal. i’m also doing better about eating low-calorie snacks throughout the day so i don’t get hungry.

i’m still bad about eating late at night. but at least when i snack late at night now, it’s 100 calories or less.

i know i should get on the scale to see what my weight is, but i’m scared to. i figure i’ll know that i’m doing the right thing when my clothes start fitting looser. so while i am keeping track of every single thing that goes into my mouth, i am not keeping track of my weight. i’m not doing this strictly to lose weight; i’m trying to change my eating habits for the rest of my life. i refuse to say i’m on a diet because this is not something that will stop once i lose weight.

so i haven’t had any soda since early may, and now i’m eating better. and i’m still working out, but i only do 20 minutes a day. i know i need to up it to 30 or 45 minutes but it’s torture just doing 20. i need to find something i enjoy but honestly i’m just not a very “sporty” person. i’d rather curl up and read a book than go outside for a walk. right now i alternate between the treadmill and the elliptical machine. i hardly ever go outside because i’m so self-conscious about my horrible skin and i am certainly not going to go walking or running through the neighborhood with no makeup on. so i just turn on the daily show or the colbert report and do my 20 minutes and get it over with. at least working at home makes it a lot easier to fit the 20 minutes in everyday.

i tell myself all the time that i can do it. and i know i can — i just need to remember that i’m worth all the hard work and that i’ll enjoy life so much more if i’m healthier.

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